Hello Son! how's your birthday? I'm glad that you're 18 now
You're legally an adult, and I think I've done a fine job raising you
Because I taught you everything you need to know about golf,
Football, baseball, cars, your mama
So now that you're legally adult, now in other words,
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE KID!!!

Bam! an explosion right before my eyes
Well I'm finally 18 now, and I didn't even realize
Growin' up to responsibilities, paying bills has to be so hard
I went to bed at age 17 and woke up, 18 on the boulevard

I'll file my own income tax, and I'll buy my own Dig em' smacks
I'll file my own income tax, and I'll buy my own Dig em'
I'm suffering from a midlife crisis
I'm suffering from a midlife crisis
Everybody 18 thinks they know what they're talkin' about
I'm suffering from a midlife crisis

File my own income tax, buy my own Dig em' smacks
File my own income tax, buy my own Dig em' smacks
I'll file my own income tax, buy my own Dig em' smacks
Sixty more of these jumping jacks, file my own income tax!

Growin' up to responsibilities, paying bills has to be so hard
I went to bed at age 17 and woke up 18 on the boulevard
I'm suffering from a midlife crisis
I'm suffering from a midlife crisis
Jump around, jump, jump when you know you're 18
Everybody 18 thinks they know what they're talkin' about

I'm suffering from a midlife crisis
I'm suffering from a midlife crisis
Everybody 18 thinks they know what they're talkin' about