The headline read: They found him dead
So that’s what he’s reduced to
A woman was found with a carpet around her chest
She said he had seduced her

A bottle corked and a line of chalk
But the readers prefer cocaine
Its effects are grim but for a lesser sin
We wouldn’t have had the whole page

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Rumour suggests that Penthouse Pets
Were his source of inspiration
His ex-wife’s quote about his need for rope
Oh, what a stunning revelation

We’ll include those bits in his greatest hits
It should be out by winter
And then discover the play he gave us the day
Yes, the very day we signed him

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So we conclude our report with a satirical short
To parody his passion
How tasteful we are as we crumple the star
Who led us into fashion

And if you turn the page you’ll hear the lover enraged
By this defiant homosexual
We’ll include those bits in his greatest hits
Just hope it’s released on schedule

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Another zero down
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Oh, zero down
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