Your hair is soft and shiny
Your beard is awfully neat
Your eyebrows are so tidy
To smell you is a treat
You look so terribly spiffing
You always steal the show
You fill my heart with laughter
When I'm feeling low

Your humour is so super
You really make me smile
You're a man of information
and as sweet as tate and lyle
We have so much in common
We get along just swell
I love kissing boys
and you love that as well

We'd really make a handsome pair
excepting one detail
If only you liked women or
If only I were male

We'd throw some splendid parties
Invite our friends to dine
Eat continental cheeses
And drink the finest wines
Our home would be delightful
I think it's safe to say
We'd get along so famously,
Its too bad that you're gay