Oh my wife is tall and short,
She won't do what she ought.
She never lies, but then again,
She lies down all day long.

Oh
My wife is fat and thin,
She's generous and mean,
She's -----, and
Her secret's safe with me.

Oh
My wife is old and young
So sweet with her poison tongue
On her evenings off she blackmails toffs,
But her secret's safe with me.

Oh
My wife is tall and short,
She hangs out down the port,
Says "Hello sailor, how's your dad?"
But her secret's safe with me.

Oh
My wife is sour and sweet,
She dit dit dit delete,
She's lalala ladida, butter
Secret's safe with me.