Do you have some problems?
Would you like someone to solve them?
Would you like someone to share in your misery?
Well I don't know the answer
But I know a flamenco dancer
Who will dance for you if you will dance for me?
Her name's Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band

And every Sunday morning
When the sermon lines are forming
And Saturday night is a memory that I gave
She's busy in the pantry
Far away from Elmer Gantry
Who is busy baking souls that he may save
Everybody's soul but Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band

At the bar we're gin and scotchin
While the FBI is watching
And they're tape recording every other word
The Bartender is bleeding
Pardon me I was just leaving
As another cleaver voice repeats absurd absurd
Everybody's talking about Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band
Her name's Miranda
Her name's Miranda
Her name's Miranda