uncle ted and auntie joan,
didn't like the seaside.
there were far to many legs exposed, in the sun, at the seaside.
better to stay in the caravan where it's nice and peaceful;
hidden away from the youths of today trying their best to look cool.

whatever happened to the likes of ballroom dancing,
now all they do is shake their hips from side to side.
whatever happened to the likes of village picnics,
i'd bake an apple pie; eat it in the grass underneath the sky.

oh, i see times are changing.
uncle ted and auntie joan,
didn't like the highstreet.
there's too many girls with too many prams dotted around the highstreet.

better to stay in the living room,
watching antiques roadshow.
away from the youths, hanging around 'cause they've got nowhere to go.

whatever happened to the likes of ballroom dancing,
now all they do is shake their hips from side to side.
whatever happened to the likes of village picnics,
i'd bake an apple pie; eat it in the grass underneath the sky.