I take my baby to the cornfieldÂ
I lay him down between the rowsÂ
I ask him if he really loves meÂ
He tells me only heaven knowsÂ

If I owned a TV stationÂ
This is the message I would send:Â
A hundred strenuous acquaintances can't meet the loss of one true friendÂ

Give me his old Montana jacketÂ
His favorite shirt is PanamaÂ
And I can tell you where he's buriedÂ
Tell you the last thing that he saw, saw...Â
I am the keeper of your fetishÂ
There is so much that you don't knowÂ
You're gonna drown in your own bathtubÂ
You're gonna miss me when I goÂ

If I owned that big transmitterÂ
This is the message I would send:Â
A hundred strenuous acquaintances can't meet the loss of one true friendÂ

And on the mornings after partiesÂ
I pick the bottles from the floorÂ
I open every single windowÂ
I cough until my ribs are soreÂ
Callin' out to all you vampires,Â
"I got molasses in my veins!Â
I think it's time I should be leavin'Â
And you can fight for my remains!"Â

For every word on every paperÂ
For every dollar you will spendÂ
A strenuous acquaintances can't meet the loss of one true friendÂ
The loss of one true friend