My daddy gave a calf to me for a Christmas present once
I picked a little heifer out 'cause both of us were runts
She never had no sense but she grew up allright somehow
And when it came to givin' milk she was an educated cow

Bessie the heifer the queen of all cows
She gave more milk than any law allows
In the mornin' she gave pasteurized
At nite she gave homogenized
Bessie the heifer the queen of all the cows

I took her to the county fair to try to win a prize
She knew what was goin' on I saw it in her eyes
The contest made her nervous she tried so hard to please
But when I tried to milk her all I got was cottage cheese

Bessie the heifer the queen of all cows
She gave more milk than any law allows
In the mornin' she gave pasteurized
At nite she gave homogenized
Bessie the heifer the queen of all the cows

I planted me a 'tater patch to earn some extra dough
To take a short vacation with some city folks I know
But no one else would milk the cow no matter how I'd nag
So pa took my vacation leavin' me to hold the bag

Bessie the heifer the queen of all cows
She gave more milk than any law allows
In the mornin' she gave pasteurized
At nite she gave homogenized
Bessie the heifer the queen of all the cows