Went to a party
I danced all night
I drank 16 beers
And I started up a fight

But now I'm jaded
You're out of luck
I'm rolling down the stairs
Too drunk to fuck

Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk
To fuck
I'm too drunk, too drunk, too drunk
To fuck

I like your stories
I like your gun
Shooting out cop tires
Sounds like loads and loads of fun
But in my room
Wish you were dead
You ball like the baby
In Eraserhead

Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk
To fuck
It's all I need right now
Too drunk to fuck

Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk
To fuck
I'm sick soft gooey and cold
Too drunk to fuck

I'm about to drop
My head's a mess
The only salvation is
I'll never see you again

You give me head
It makes it worse
Take out your fuckin' retainer
Put it in your purse

Too drunk to fuck
You're too drunk to fuck
Too drunk
To fuck
It's all I need right now Oh baby
I'm melting like an ice cream bar
Oh baby

And now I got diarrhea
Too drunk to fuck
Yeah, Yeah
Yeah, Yeah
Yeah, Yeah
Oooohhh...