Everybody come here, gather around this fire, let me tell y'all something I ain't told y'all before
Y'all remember Big Dick Randy? (Yeah)
Alright, well I left out a story about him that, I wanna share it with y'all, man
That niggas ruthless, like
He loves comin' out on major holidays but y'all know his favorite's Halloween
But this event right here has just haunted me and haunted me and haunted me to this day
Years later, I thought I was safe
I thought I could just go to a party with my friends at my college and just chill, get some candy
Shit, but I guess not
This gon' be one of them ones, so everybody make sure you listenin' to what I'm sayin'

Okay, fast forward, 2021, he tried to murder me
I was at a party at my damn university
Man, it's Halloween night and everybody masked up, strapped up
You would think we was takin' place in a burglary
Fine shit with me, her booty natural, ain't no BBL
I had put cologne all in my draws in case my PP spell
I got hella niggas with me, we all ready for a fun night
Ain't no way that somethin' crazy happens to our fun, right?
Man, it's the first Halloween that I've been out since Big Dick Randy
But I heard there's a party so I'm there and I want candy
I had text my girl and niggas, I'm like: Guys, I don't know
They said: Randy's long gone, get ready, we gotta go

So that's why I'm at the party, no more reminiscin'
When I saw this big monkey nigga staring in the distance
Had the tracksuit, had the shoes, man, he had it all
I was just hopin' it was a nigga that played basketball
He was kinda tall, 7 ft, I don't know, I was stressin'
Grabbed my girl and all my niggas, started heading to the exit
I heard a deep voice: DigBar, where you going?
I felt every ounce of life leave my body, I was frozen
Like nigga, why the fuck you back and why are you so big and black?
And why the fuck are in you a tracksuit and you don't even run no track?
Man, you know why I'm back, nigga, it's a holiday
And I'm about to have my fun with you in a lot of ways

Hell nah, not this again, we started runnin', bodies everywhere
If I knew he was comin' back, I woulda shot him everywhere
Steppin' over cheeks, like in the gaps, like it's a ladder drill
Doo doo'ed on myself 'cause I was scared and my lil' bladder filled
Ran, got in the car, we lost somebody, it's my nigga Kevin
But I don't give a fuck 'cause all that nigga said was 6'7
Man, Randy done took everybody's butt, there was like eighty pairs
We got in the car and hit the gas, and we got outta there
Man I was so relieved that I still had my cheeks still
Then I saw Randy runnin' fast like Tyreek Hill
Man, we was doin' 80 in the whip and he still catchin' up
Humans only run like 25, so how he catchin' us?
Then he jumped on the roof, he like: Boo! He was pissed off
Then he grabbed the roof with his cheeks and ripped the bitch off
Now he standin' there, his meat dangle to the dashboard
He said DigBar: When did you start liking fat whores?
He grabbed fine shit by her hair and threw her in the road
Then he grabbed my other nigga, took his butt and let him go
Then he sat down in the car, he looked me in my face
There ain't no escape, every year I get that cake, nigga!

Nah, nah, come sit back down, don't be scared now
Y'all begged me for this shit, y'all wanted to hear more
So why the fuck are y'all running away from the campfire when I'm telling y'all niggas about it
It's some real shit, man, it's some real shit I went through
Big Dick Randy a real nigga, like, he really do this shit
Like, just stay in the house, man, like, best advice I can give man
Just stay in the house, that nigga Randy don't play no games
And for everybody that thinks Randy goes after kids, that nigga is not going after kids, I ain't ever said that shit
But yeah, man, I like to call this story the Big Dick Randy Homecoming, man, 'cause shit, I mean, the nigga came home
I mean, nobody was expecting a popup all them years later
And shit, he came home