I was born a hundred thousand years ago
And there's nothin' in this world I do not know
Why the flag started flying
When George Washington stopped lying
I can lick the man who says that isn't so

I saw Eve and Adam driven from the door
I'm the man who picked the fig leaf that they wore
When the apple they were eating
I was from the bushes peeping
I can prove that I'm the man that ate the core

Queen Elizabeth, she fell in love with me, poor girl
We were married in Milwaukee secretly
Then I snuck around and shook her
'Cause I went with General Hooker
Just to fight mosquitoes down in Tennessee

I saw Noah when he built his famous ark
I slipped into it one night when it was dark
I saw Jonah swallow the whale
And I pulled the lion's tale
Then I crossed the land of Canaan on a lark

I taught Solomon his little ABC's
And I helped Brigham Young invent Limburger cheese
Well I sailed out on the bay
With Methuselah one day
And I saved his flowing whiskers from the breeze