Oh doctor, can you make me any better?
I've tried the cold showers but my dreams are getting wetter
She's a crinoline scream from a saucy magazine
But I'm 48 and she's barely 16
She's a friend of my only daughter
I tried it on once but I know I shouldn't ought to
My wife thinks it's obscene
That's why she's leaving me
She went back to her mother
Can you help me with a remedy?

Care in the community
Can't you give lust immunity?
The only advice that I can give
Try celibacy and Anadin

Oh Christ, I've tried to forget her
But the pills won't cure her tight little sweater
The merest thought of her makes it difficult to dance
If I wasn't so old I'd take the chance
I watch her house, quiet like a mouse
My friends have disappeared
Her neighbours think I'm weird
But I'd do anything just to have her near