I Pulled Into Memphis, I Could Not Slow Down
My Brakes Were Gone, I Wrecked the Car...fire On the Ground
Then My Car Exploded and the Flames Licked My Chin
And My Life Flashed Before My Eyes Like An X-rated Film
Like a Poison Arrow My Soul Shot Through the Sky
Landed There At Heaven's Gate, Much to My Surprise
And An Angel With a Halo Walked Up and Said, "hey, Dude!
Welcome to Heaven...we've Got This Glass of Milk For You."
(Chorus)
I Said, "hey St. Peter, Won't You Open Up Your Gate...
I Hear the Devil Calling, Now Please Don't Make Me Late.
He's Got Loud Guitars, Alcohol, Cheap Jamaican Whores...
I Don't Want to Stay in Heaven no More."

Well, Satan Came A-running, Said, "hey, That Boy Is Mine!"
He Had a John Hiatt T-shirt and Trouble in His Eye
Then the Devil On Cloud 7 and St. Peter On Cloud 4
Played a Hand of Poker, and the Winner Gets My Soul

Chorus

Well the Last Thing I Remember, Satan Held Two Jacks
And I Woke Up in the Back of a Memphis Ambulance
And I Do Not Know For Certain Which Cards St. Peter Held
So I'm Breaking All Ten Commandments to Make Sure I Go to Hell

Chorus