Put your heavy metal to the test
There might be half a love song in it all for you
Timing-wise, it's probably for the best
Come here and kiss me now before it gets too cute

Mr. Schwartz is stayin' strong for the crew
Wardrobe's lint-rollin' your velveteen suit
And smudgin' dubbin' on your dancin' shoes

Gradually, it's coming into view
It's like your little directorial debut
As fine a time as any to deduce
The fact that neither you or I has ever had a clue

Mr. Schwartz is stayin' strong for the crew
Wardrobе's lint-rollin' your velveteen suit
And smudgin' dubbin' on your dancin' shoes

And if wе guess who I'm pretending to be
Do we win a prize?
Having attempted twice, both incorrectly
Do we get a third try?

The gloved hand's reachin' in to hit the switch
There's not one goddamn thing that you can do about it

Mr. Schwartz is havin' tea with the grips
Askin' after all the wives and the kids
It's at the heart of what the business is